My Nightmare
So I want to tell you about the dream I had last night, but the thing about dreams is that they sound even more crazy when you're trying to describe them to someone else. Try to stay with me, there is a point to all of this.
So, it's the future. Haha, obviously. Everything is very dark and sad. We're in the middle of some kind of world war and are now being ruled by a very evil presence. Someone has taken charge of every aspect of life, and we all have to obey this person and his commands. The way we dress, where we go, when we're allowed to be out. As I'm walking through the dark and desolate town, very scared and uncertain, I suddenly realize I'm not with my kids. I don't know where they are, but they're not with me. I begin to panic and spend most of this dream searching all over for them. I'm a wreck. I'm so afraid that they're alone, or worse, with someone who is causing them harm.
I finally find them. They're okay. Very quickly, this world war is suddenly over, and all the darkness and intense stipulations that were put on all of us have been lifted. Everyone is so happy, so relieved. I realize once again my kids are not with me. (Don't judge.) I go right back into my panicked state, searching high and low for them. This time, I realize my greatest fear is that someone else has found them and is raising them as their own, in this happy, new world.
Again, I search for them. What I'm sure were short moments of me lying in bed dreaming, were long days in my mind of me looking everywhere for my most prized possession, my babies. I'm distraught and no one can seem to understand why I'm not just starting my life over, as they all are. Everyone has had loss and has been through a lot, but they've picked up what they could and carried on.
Right before I wake, I have found all three of my kids once again. Someone else had discovered them, and was taking good care of them. Luckily this woman saw the sorrow in my eyes and the happiness in my children's eyes when they realized their momma was there to claim her little family. The last thing I remember before waking, was bathing all three kids together. I cried hot, happy tears as I cleaned them, studying each one's precious face.
I woke up knowing that I was different. This glimpse into fiction had shaken me to my core. I thought it was really interesting that each time I searched for my kids, I knew it was three I was looking for. There was no mention of Gabriel or of having four children.
There is definitely a part of me that will always mourn the tremendous loss of my baby boy. The death of a child is not something you ever get over. But I have three living children in front of me today. I need to be even more thankful for their lives and the joy they bring me. God has surely blessed me with the immeasurable opportunity to be their one and only momma. I will not take that for granted. I will continue to seek joy.
So, it's the future. Haha, obviously. Everything is very dark and sad. We're in the middle of some kind of world war and are now being ruled by a very evil presence. Someone has taken charge of every aspect of life, and we all have to obey this person and his commands. The way we dress, where we go, when we're allowed to be out. As I'm walking through the dark and desolate town, very scared and uncertain, I suddenly realize I'm not with my kids. I don't know where they are, but they're not with me. I begin to panic and spend most of this dream searching all over for them. I'm a wreck. I'm so afraid that they're alone, or worse, with someone who is causing them harm.
I finally find them. They're okay. Very quickly, this world war is suddenly over, and all the darkness and intense stipulations that were put on all of us have been lifted. Everyone is so happy, so relieved. I realize once again my kids are not with me. (Don't judge.) I go right back into my panicked state, searching high and low for them. This time, I realize my greatest fear is that someone else has found them and is raising them as their own, in this happy, new world.
Again, I search for them. What I'm sure were short moments of me lying in bed dreaming, were long days in my mind of me looking everywhere for my most prized possession, my babies. I'm distraught and no one can seem to understand why I'm not just starting my life over, as they all are. Everyone has had loss and has been through a lot, but they've picked up what they could and carried on.
Right before I wake, I have found all three of my kids once again. Someone else had discovered them, and was taking good care of them. Luckily this woman saw the sorrow in my eyes and the happiness in my children's eyes when they realized their momma was there to claim her little family. The last thing I remember before waking, was bathing all three kids together. I cried hot, happy tears as I cleaned them, studying each one's precious face.
I woke up knowing that I was different. This glimpse into fiction had shaken me to my core. I thought it was really interesting that each time I searched for my kids, I knew it was three I was looking for. There was no mention of Gabriel or of having four children.
There is definitely a part of me that will always mourn the tremendous loss of my baby boy. The death of a child is not something you ever get over. But I have three living children in front of me today. I need to be even more thankful for their lives and the joy they bring me. God has surely blessed me with the immeasurable opportunity to be their one and only momma. I will not take that for granted. I will continue to seek joy.
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