Grief on Downton Abbey
Just wondering if I'm the only one. Do you watch Downton Abbey? Have you experienced a loss? Are you bawling at every episode so far this season?
This amazing show is currently in its fourth season. At the close of last season, a pretty main (and very loved) character died tragically. Much like the popular Grey's Anatomy, this happens often on this show. Yet, we still love it and still watch it even though it causes us viewers deep heartache.
(If you've not watched the show, or are in the midst of catching up, just stop reading now. Kbye. And if you're never gonna watch, but still want to read the quotes with some understanding, scroll down.)
So all you really need to know is that in the finale of season three: Lady Mary lost her precious husband, Matthew. Because of this tremendous loss, there has been much discussion on the show about how both Mary and Matthew's dear mother have been dealing with the loss. Yes, I realize the loss of a spouse is different than infant loss. But this fictitious show is giving us a glimpse of how the loss is affecting everyone involved. Because you know what I've realized in the four and a half years since losing my son? Grief is grief. Loss is loss. The pain is the same. That heart-stabbing, gut-wrenching, can't-breathe pain is the same.
After the season four premier, viewers everywhere were complaining that it was too dark, sad and depressing. But the Bereaved Momma in me welcomed all the smart writing, black clothing, and raw emotion of the characters as they dealt with death. It was real and accurate and I ushered it into my soul as my heart broke for all of them, knowing all too well the path they were walking.
Enjoy some of these quotes from the first several episodes, and let me know your thoughts in the comment section!
Grandmother to the bereaved, Mary, who is still struggling six months later - "You've gone through a hideous time, but now you must remember your son. He needs you... The fact is, you have a straightforward choice before you. You must choose - either death, or life." [Oh man, this brought me right back to where I was when I lost Gabe. My firstborn was so young and I was in the thick of my grief, having to make a choice to put on a brave face for my family and making the conscious decision to put on a smile while I interacted with my living son.]
Mary, in an angry outburst during dinner - "Matthew is dead 50 years before his time!" [Infant loss mommas know about this all too well, always thinking about how many years their children should have had.]
Mary's Father to Grandmother - "You must forgive Mary. She is broken and bruised." [Loved the physical description of her emotional grief.]
Mary confronts Mr. Carson (head butler) to apologize - Carson says,"So does this mean you've decided to return to the land of the living? Because if so, I'm glad." Mary replies, "It means that I know that I've spent too long in the land of the dead," who then finally breaks down since losing Matthew. "You cry, my lady. You have a good cry. That's what's needed now. And when you're ready, you can get to work, because you are strong enough. You're strong enough for the task," says Carson. [This scene had me bawling. Hated to see her cry, but you knew it was a needed release. Love that she has someone who speaks truth into her life. We all need that.]
Mary's Brother-in-law, Tom, speaking to her about being stuck in her grief - "It's time for you to come back to us."
"You do realize she's a long way from getting over it," says Lord Grantham to his wife. "I don't think she'll ever get over it. But she will get PAST it one day and I want to help her try," replies Lady Grantham, speaking about Mary. [Beautifully put.]
Grandmother, speaking to Matthew's mother - "I don't want to be unkind, and you have my sympathy, truly, but it won't bring him back to sit by yourself night after night." Matthew's mother replies, "I know, but you know I have this feeling, that when I laugh or read a book or hum a tune, it means I've forgotten him. Just for a moment. And it's THAT that I can't bare." Grandmother quotes: "Better far that you should forget and smile than remember and be sad." And Mrs. Crawley reminds her the quote was about the author's own death, not that of her child's. [Tears, tears, and more tears. I really identified with this scene and those feelings.]
Mary after spending time with another suitor - "I feel very sad tonight...sometimes I don't know who I'm most in mourning for - Matthew or the person I used to be when I was with him. [We all understand how much grief can change a person, for the better or for the worse.]
Mary speaking to her new suitor, turning down his marriage proposal - "I can't. I'm not free of him. Yesterday you said I fill your brain, well Matthew fills mine, still, and I don't want to be without him. Not yet."
ALL THE TEARS.
Your thoughts? -Meg
This amazing show is currently in its fourth season. At the close of last season, a pretty main (and very loved) character died tragically. Much like the popular Grey's Anatomy, this happens often on this show. Yet, we still love it and still watch it even though it causes us viewers deep heartache.
(If you've not watched the show, or are in the midst of catching up, just stop reading now. Kbye. And if you're never gonna watch, but still want to read the quotes with some understanding, scroll down.)
So all you really need to know is that in the finale of season three: Lady Mary lost her precious husband, Matthew. Because of this tremendous loss, there has been much discussion on the show about how both Mary and Matthew's dear mother have been dealing with the loss. Yes, I realize the loss of a spouse is different than infant loss. But this fictitious show is giving us a glimpse of how the loss is affecting everyone involved. Because you know what I've realized in the four and a half years since losing my son? Grief is grief. Loss is loss. The pain is the same. That heart-stabbing, gut-wrenching, can't-breathe pain is the same.
After the season four premier, viewers everywhere were complaining that it was too dark, sad and depressing. But the Bereaved Momma in me welcomed all the smart writing, black clothing, and raw emotion of the characters as they dealt with death. It was real and accurate and I ushered it into my soul as my heart broke for all of them, knowing all too well the path they were walking.
Enjoy some of these quotes from the first several episodes, and let me know your thoughts in the comment section!
 |
| Sweet, impromptu photo I took today. Quickly realized someone felt "missing." |
Grandmother to the bereaved, Mary, who is still struggling six months later - "You've gone through a hideous time, but now you must remember your son. He needs you... The fact is, you have a straightforward choice before you. You must choose - either death, or life." [Oh man, this brought me right back to where I was when I lost Gabe. My firstborn was so young and I was in the thick of my grief, having to make a choice to put on a brave face for my family and making the conscious decision to put on a smile while I interacted with my living son.]
Mary, in an angry outburst during dinner - "Matthew is dead 50 years before his time!" [Infant loss mommas know about this all too well, always thinking about how many years their children should have had.]
Mary's Father to Grandmother - "You must forgive Mary. She is broken and bruised." [Loved the physical description of her emotional grief.]
Mary confronts Mr. Carson (head butler) to apologize - Carson says,"So does this mean you've decided to return to the land of the living? Because if so, I'm glad." Mary replies, "It means that I know that I've spent too long in the land of the dead," who then finally breaks down since losing Matthew. "You cry, my lady. You have a good cry. That's what's needed now. And when you're ready, you can get to work, because you are strong enough. You're strong enough for the task," says Carson. [This scene had me bawling. Hated to see her cry, but you knew it was a needed release. Love that she has someone who speaks truth into her life. We all need that.]
Mary's Brother-in-law, Tom, speaking to her about being stuck in her grief - "It's time for you to come back to us."
"You do realize she's a long way from getting over it," says Lord Grantham to his wife. "I don't think she'll ever get over it. But she will get PAST it one day and I want to help her try," replies Lady Grantham, speaking about Mary. [Beautifully put.]
Grandmother, speaking to Matthew's mother - "I don't want to be unkind, and you have my sympathy, truly, but it won't bring him back to sit by yourself night after night." Matthew's mother replies, "I know, but you know I have this feeling, that when I laugh or read a book or hum a tune, it means I've forgotten him. Just for a moment. And it's THAT that I can't bare." Grandmother quotes: "Better far that you should forget and smile than remember and be sad." And Mrs. Crawley reminds her the quote was about the author's own death, not that of her child's. [Tears, tears, and more tears. I really identified with this scene and those feelings.]
Mary after spending time with another suitor - "I feel very sad tonight...sometimes I don't know who I'm most in mourning for - Matthew or the person I used to be when I was with him. [We all understand how much grief can change a person, for the better or for the worse.]
Mary speaking to her new suitor, turning down his marriage proposal - "I can't. I'm not free of him. Yesterday you said I fill your brain, well Matthew fills mine, still, and I don't want to be without him. Not yet."
ALL THE TEARS.
Your thoughts? -Meg
 |
| Extra snuggles help heal the brokenhearted. Love my Rainbow Girls. |
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