Can Joy and Grief Coexsist?

Sometimes I come across an article or a video, (in in the case - BOTH) that does a much better job than I at explaining something.  Today's post is one of those times.  I would like to encourage you to check out the short article HERE, and to take the 15 minutes to watch the video attached.

The speech is called "Beyond Closure" and is from a TED conference.  Nancy Berns does such an amazing job of explaining that joy and grief can coexist in the same person, in the same space, at the same time.  She beautifully explains how our culture wants anyone grieving to have closure, but that it is not only not possible, but it's not best.

Seriously.  Great video.  Check it out.

I recently experienced this question in real life - Can joy and grief coexist?  It was this past Saturday.  Kyle was away all morning helping a friend move, and I was home with the kids.  There was a lot of excitement in the air, because Joel knew his 5th birthday party was later that day.  (Pause.  How is my kid five years old already?)  We had several conversations that morning about who would be here, what we'd eat, how many presents would arrive, etc.  And then Joel said something I wasn't expecting him to say, "Momma, Gabe's not gonna be here today for my party."  Wowsers.  The comment cut right into my heart, creating instant sadness.  I felt defeated, devastated.  I was so upset that he was old enough now to understand that although he does have a brother, he can't physically be here for the big events.

Then a little while later, Joel brought it up again.  Daggers right into my heart.  After not being able to shake my sadness for a few hours, I decided to hop online and ask a few trusty friends if they would pray for me.  I also explained the situation in my Infant Loss group on Facebook.  Within minutes, I had people praying for me and offering encouraging words.  Within minutes, I had a new perspective.  Another momma explained how bittersweet a moment like this was - Sad that your children start to understand the profound loss, but sweet that they remember their sibling who is no longer here.  Insert choir of angels singing.  That was IT.  That was the reminder that I needed - that, even in this intense sadness, there was something to be happy about!  Joel REMEMBERS Gabe.  Joy AND Grief.

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