Cringe-Worthy

I cringe easily.  It happens when I witness an awkward moment in person, and even when I'm watching something unfold on tv.  Or when I am thinking about something I said that I now regret.  Or something I should have said, but didn't.  Speaking of things we say...

Ever since we lost Gabe, something else has made me cringe.  It's the well-meaning, good-intended kind wishes of people when they hear about someone's bad situation.  It was all the people telling us they were praying for a miracle after we got Gabriel's diagnosis.  It was finding out that all those people were mad at God when it was all said and done, because "God didn't hear their prayer."  And lately, it's been the person who tells the mom with cancer that they "know that God will heal" them, because they are in "God's favor." What??

Here's the deal, folks.  Our God is way bigger than some Guy in the Sky who does what we ask of Him.  He is all-knowing.  His timing is perfect.  He knew us the second we were conceived and has always known when we would breathe our last breath.  He knows what is best for us, and sometimes that is not what we think we need.

My Support Team during Gabe's Birth

I am not saying you cannot tell God the desires of your heart.  In fact, I am confident that He wants to hear that.  But, we cannot command our desires onto Him.  We cannot tell someone we know the way their bad situation is going to end, simply because we let God know our selfish plans.  That is simply just not the way it works.

One of the many things losing Gabe has taught me, is how to pray.  I tell God the desires of my heart, but ultimately I ask that His will would be done.  Because sometimes a little baby has to die for others to realize the impact of death.  And sometimes a job has to be lost for a person to realize that God is opening another door.  And sometimes a child has to be sick in order for the parents to learn to love each other again.  In other words, sometimes a miracle isn't going to be what is best for people.

I am sorry if this blog entry is so blunt, but here is how I feel about it.  There are lots of unhelpful things people do while trying to be helpful:  Ignoring the obvious and pretending the issue isn't there, giving unwelcome and not asked for advice, saying you know how they feel when you've never shared the experience, etc.  So, if you're reading this wondering what can be done - let me assure you, there are three things that can be done.  When you encounter someone going through something horrible:  Be there,  listen to them and pray for them.

I remember the long line of people waiting to talk to us during Gabriel's viewing.  So many people said, "I don't know what to say."  But, you know what?  They were there.  They showed up.  Their presence was a support to us.  They offered a genuine smile and a sweet hug.

So many others felt like they didn't know what to say, but ended up saying the perfect thing: "All I can say is that I'm praying for you."  I remember the looks on their faces, that they felt badly there was nothing more they could do.  But, time and time again, Kyle and I would reassure them, that what they had just said was the best thing for us to hear, and the best thing they could do.  We took sincere comfort in knowing that others were praying for us.

Gabriel's Tiny Casket

So, pray.  Pray for those people that God has been laying on your heart.  Encourage them by letting them know when you are praying for them.  You could even give them a call and pray with them, or easier still - send them a message on Facebook, physically writing out your prayer as you present it to God.  It may not cure them of their current situation, but it will bless them.