The Gift of Life
I have a precious friend who jokes about her son's strong-willed personality being her fault because she named him William. I named my daughter "life." With her non-stop energy, hilarious sense of humor, and the ability to make you smile one minute and cry the next, she has certainly lived up to that name.
Next week my Zoe will turn three years old. She was my first healthy baby after losing my Gabriel, and then suffering a miscarriage. The day she was born, I was reminded that God does hear my prayers, and had finally granted me the amazing gift of "life." It came in the form of the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen.
She was also the unhappiest baby I'd ever seen. Even in the hospital, she cried constantly and seemed rarely content. She was colicky for her first three months of life. It wasn't until she was about 18 months old that we discovered through the Children's Hospital that she had several severe allergies. Now at almost three, she's outgrown them all except for her nut allergy. As her mother, this small detail keeps me stressed out and on edge constantly. If she's not right by my side, I worry that someone will accidentally expose her to something life-threatening.
I guess now's a good time to point out the obvious. If you were over-protective and a "hovering helicopter" parent before a loss, it only gets worse when you have to bury your child. I rarely take the kids to a park, for fear that I will lose sight of them, or they will get hurt, or someone will try to take them. I've only been away from Zoe overnight a handful of times. Much to my dismay, she's always trying to prove that she doesn't need me to hover.
She's transformed from a beautiful baby into a very independent, strong-willed toddler. Still very beautiful, she offers her hugs and kisses very sparingly. She says "I love you, too" about half of the time. She lets her desires be known. She knows what she likes, and who she likes. One of her first sentences was "I no hi him" in reference to an sweet, older gentleman waving at her. Sigh.
Much to my surprise, the usually maddening process of Potty Training has been a complete delight with my Zoe. Not only has she caught on very quickly (making me think she's as smart as she is pretty), but it's allowed for some amazing, quality time. My two year old was content playing with her older brother, or doing her own thing, but because I needed her to try to pee every ten minutes, I got to scoop her up, sit her down and do everything in my power to get her to stay there until she was successful. I'd sing her songs, count her fingers and toes, and kiss her sweet face. I have been loving every moment of these close interactions.
Over the past several months, I've become more tuned in to what makes Zoe smile, what really makes her come alive. I now know that she thrives in one-on-one situations. She loves to be the one Daddy picks to accompany him on random errands. She really enjoys going out to eat with just Momma and Aunt Ashleigh. She also loves animals! My mom and I did an impromptu visit to Misty Meadows for some ice cream on a hot summer day, and it turned into an amazing, adventurous field trip for the kids, who were able to see cows, pigs, chickens, goats, and bunnies. Almost everyday since then, Zoe has questioned if we're "going to see the animals?" Love her.
My Dearest Zoe,
The life lessons you've taught me in three short years are immeasurable. Your very life personified God's promise to bring a Rainbow after a Storm. That after a dark night, joy would certainly come in the morning.
You've taught me there is such a thing as nature versus nurture. You've reminded me that children are their own little people, each with distinct personalities.
I've learned that it's important to find out what makes each of my children come alive. I can't wait to make even more memories with you through quality time, and visiting more animals.
When I ask for a kiss, and you offer me your forehead, now I just giggle knowing that when you decide to show affection on your own terms, it will be that much sweeter.
You will always be my beautiful Rainbow Baby. Thank you for the amazing gift of life you've given me. I love you so very much, Zoe.
-Momma
Next week my Zoe will turn three years old. She was my first healthy baby after losing my Gabriel, and then suffering a miscarriage. The day she was born, I was reminded that God does hear my prayers, and had finally granted me the amazing gift of "life." It came in the form of the most beautiful baby I'd ever seen.
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| Newborn Photography by Chandra Dickson |
She was also the unhappiest baby I'd ever seen. Even in the hospital, she cried constantly and seemed rarely content. She was colicky for her first three months of life. It wasn't until she was about 18 months old that we discovered through the Children's Hospital that she had several severe allergies. Now at almost three, she's outgrown them all except for her nut allergy. As her mother, this small detail keeps me stressed out and on edge constantly. If she's not right by my side, I worry that someone will accidentally expose her to something life-threatening.
I guess now's a good time to point out the obvious. If you were over-protective and a "hovering helicopter" parent before a loss, it only gets worse when you have to bury your child. I rarely take the kids to a park, for fear that I will lose sight of them, or they will get hurt, or someone will try to take them. I've only been away from Zoe overnight a handful of times. Much to my dismay, she's always trying to prove that she doesn't need me to hover.
She's transformed from a beautiful baby into a very independent, strong-willed toddler. Still very beautiful, she offers her hugs and kisses very sparingly. She says "I love you, too" about half of the time. She lets her desires be known. She knows what she likes, and who she likes. One of her first sentences was "I no hi him" in reference to an sweet, older gentleman waving at her. Sigh.
Much to my surprise, the usually maddening process of Potty Training has been a complete delight with my Zoe. Not only has she caught on very quickly (making me think she's as smart as she is pretty), but it's allowed for some amazing, quality time. My two year old was content playing with her older brother, or doing her own thing, but because I needed her to try to pee every ten minutes, I got to scoop her up, sit her down and do everything in my power to get her to stay there until she was successful. I'd sing her songs, count her fingers and toes, and kiss her sweet face. I have been loving every moment of these close interactions.
Over the past several months, I've become more tuned in to what makes Zoe smile, what really makes her come alive. I now know that she thrives in one-on-one situations. She loves to be the one Daddy picks to accompany him on random errands. She really enjoys going out to eat with just Momma and Aunt Ashleigh. She also loves animals! My mom and I did an impromptu visit to Misty Meadows for some ice cream on a hot summer day, and it turned into an amazing, adventurous field trip for the kids, who were able to see cows, pigs, chickens, goats, and bunnies. Almost everyday since then, Zoe has questioned if we're "going to see the animals?" Love her.
My Dearest Zoe,
The life lessons you've taught me in three short years are immeasurable. Your very life personified God's promise to bring a Rainbow after a Storm. That after a dark night, joy would certainly come in the morning.
You've taught me there is such a thing as nature versus nurture. You've reminded me that children are their own little people, each with distinct personalities.
I've learned that it's important to find out what makes each of my children come alive. I can't wait to make even more memories with you through quality time, and visiting more animals.
When I ask for a kiss, and you offer me your forehead, now I just giggle knowing that when you decide to show affection on your own terms, it will be that much sweeter.
You will always be my beautiful Rainbow Baby. Thank you for the amazing gift of life you've given me. I love you so very much, Zoe.
-Momma
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