Spoken Words
Last night we celebrated my son's 4th Heavenly Birthday, or as we like to call it - his Angelversary. Family and friends took time out of their busy days to remember my son, a truly amazing gift to us. We sang happy birthday, wrote messages on balloons, and then released them to float up to Heaven. My hubby and I both said a few words, and I wrote out beforehand everything I wanted to say this year.
So, lucky readers, you get to hear it...
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Gabriel. It's not always a conscious thought like, "I wonder what he'd be doing if he were here," but there is always a feeling. A small tug on my heart. A gaping hole somewhere within my soul. A constant knowing that someone very special is missing.
It seems so crazy that so much time has gone by, that the precious infant I held - with my nose and daddy's lips - would be a four year old little man today.
On this day, I will take a moment to think about what would be. I will grieve his loss fully and allow the tears to fall. I will imagine his presence in my home and among my other kids. I will close my eyes and picture my son having the privilege of a brother here on earth - of having someone to frolic in the ocean waves, and to dress up like superheros.
Sure, life would be chaotic. Even more than it is now, which is very hard to imagine. The volume in our home, at the dinner table, and in the car (or the inevitable van) would be louder - with both screaming and laughter.
The only thing that gives me comfort, and the only explanation I can give my children - is that even though I selfishly want him here with me, we all know he's in a better place.
My prayer is that he's looking down on us today. That even though he is very alive in a place with no sorrow or tears, that he can at least see how loved and very missed he is. And that there's a giant celebration in Heaven right now for his very short, but very important life.
So, lucky readers, you get to hear it...
There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of Gabriel. It's not always a conscious thought like, "I wonder what he'd be doing if he were here," but there is always a feeling. A small tug on my heart. A gaping hole somewhere within my soul. A constant knowing that someone very special is missing.
It seems so crazy that so much time has gone by, that the precious infant I held - with my nose and daddy's lips - would be a four year old little man today.
On this day, I will take a moment to think about what would be. I will grieve his loss fully and allow the tears to fall. I will imagine his presence in my home and among my other kids. I will close my eyes and picture my son having the privilege of a brother here on earth - of having someone to frolic in the ocean waves, and to dress up like superheros.
Sure, life would be chaotic. Even more than it is now, which is very hard to imagine. The volume in our home, at the dinner table, and in the car (or the inevitable van) would be louder - with both screaming and laughter.
The only thing that gives me comfort, and the only explanation I can give my children - is that even though I selfishly want him here with me, we all know he's in a better place.
My prayer is that he's looking down on us today. That even though he is very alive in a place with no sorrow or tears, that he can at least see how loved and very missed he is. And that there's a giant celebration in Heaven right now for his very short, but very important life.
I love you. And that seems to be all I can every get out. You and your beautiful were on my mind often yesterday. God knew just what he was doing when he gave that baby boy a family that would love him more in his tiny life than many could give in a lifetime.
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