Shining through the Sorrow

The words I spoke at Gabriel's 6th Heavenly Birthday... "In years past, I have carefully chosen the words I would speak at Gabriel's Angelversaries. I tried to write this out several times this week, and remembered that in the past I wrote things mostly with you all in mind.  Who would show up to offer love and support?  And what would they need to hear?   When thinking about what I wanted to say, what I kept coming back to was that as the years have gone by, my living children continue to grow and mature - they are understanding this great loss more and more.  They are very aware that they have a brother who is not here with them, and Zoe especially talks of him often.  When I told her we were going to Gabe's graveside tonight she said, "and he'll be there?!" When I said no, she excitedly said, "Oh, it's the last day? And we're going up in the sky?" Breaks my heart that I have try to put our reality into words tha...

It's August, friends.  Gabe's birth month.  The time of year I think about him more than ever.  The intrusive thoughts start, "How old would he be? What grade would he be going in?  What would he look like now?"  Sometimes I entertain those questions and allow myself to dream, but it never ends happily.  It just leaves me comparing him to others, feeling burdened by intense sadness. The other day I started thinking about how exactly to describe the pain of losing a child.  It feels like even six years later, so many people just don't get it.  This pain that I hold with me everyday, that naturally intensifies as I get closer to the day of his birth.  The only day I had with my baby boy.  So I just started writing... Grief feels so heavy.  Like someone has draped your already sagging shoulders with a rain-soaked wool coat. It always feels like a piece of you is missing.  Like you're traveling through life with a ...