Shining through the Sorrow

In the seven years since Gabriel's fatal diagnosis, my husband and I have been blessed with three healthy daughters.  Our family is now big and crazy and wonderful.  Our evenings are full of bickering and laughter, chaos and cuddles.  I can't count the times Kyle and I look at each other, both tearful, so full of joy we feel we may explode.  And yet... And yet there is still that empty hole.  I admit it - I still grieve the tremendous loss of my son's death .  April 29th is the date that will mark seven years since we received Gabriel's fatal diagnosis.  Seven years since our once illuminated world turned dark.  We were young parents with one toddler, thrilled to be giving him a sibling.  All that joy, all that hope.  To then find out our baby boy wasn't going to make it long after his birth.  Suddenly all we could feel was despair and intense sadness.  After enduring months of carrying around the son who would soon di...

My sweet Grace, You are now one month old and your little life has already blessed me so much.  Having the opportunity to hold, cuddle, and love another precious baby has brought me so much joy.  God certainly knew what He was doing when he gave you to me.   Before my memory of your birth completely fades, I thought I'd write it all down - just as I have with all your brothers and sisters. Leading up to Your Birth After passing your due date of February 14th, my anxiety surrounding your arrival continued to grow.  I already had a midwife appointment scheduled for Wednesday the 17th, but I ended up calling into the office on Tuesday the 16th.  I was tearful and worried about all the little things that I now know can go wrong.  What if something happens with her cord?  What if it's wrapped around her neck?  What if the placenta starts to detach?  What if she's too big?  What if she passes meconium while inside? The nurse wrote dow...

(My precious husband had the honor of speaking at this year's annual Young Life Banquet.  Held last night, we celebrated 75 years since the ministry has been introducing kids to Christ.  "Grateful.  Joyful.  Hopeful."  Below is his speech.) For those of you who don’t know me, my name is Kyle Dingle. I have been married to my beautiful wife Meghan for ten years and we have 5 children together. I am a 5 th grade teacher at Maugansville Elementary School and I love Young Life. Before I found out about YL, I was your pretty typical kid. I grew up here in Washington County. My parents, who are awesome, are sitting at my table tonight. They taught me all the right things growing up like how to be polite, to do well in school, and how to fix anything. My brother and I have a running joke that no matter what our significant others are interested in buying we say, “Well, heck I can build one of those.” Thanks Dad for that. Most importantly, my parents thought...

Hello dear reader.  Realized I haven't blogged much about this precious baby currently inside, and for my own memory I need to take a moment and write out some details. I'm currently 38.5 weeks along, at that beautiful point in gestation where I feel like I will be pregnant forever.  I wrote a very similar blog during my last pregnancy, appropriately titled Waiting on Ruby .  As I re-read all my babies' birth stories this afternoon I realized two things about that particular blog post - First, I wrote a LOT of TMI details about everything I was doing to get her OUT.  My apologies.  And second, none of it made any difference.  She came when she was ready.  Unfortunately for me, that happened to be eight days past her due date.  NEVER before had I seen my due date, as my first three babes were all early. The shirt says it all. This morning I had a rather discouraging appointment with one of my favorite midwives, where I realized the only th...

Hello, friends.  I don't know if you heard about the little boy in Cleveland, Ohio who shared a picture of his family for a school project - a photo with his parents and his baby brother the day he was stillborn.  The teacher and principal at the school both agreed the picture was "not appropriate" and had to be removed from the student's project.  You can watch video of the original story HERE , and you'll find the article at Still Standing Magazine HERE , perfected titled "Death does not Negate Existence." I cautiously opened the online articles, and came to this conclusion:  All the pictures are absolutely beautiful, showing a loving family with the raw emotions of both admiration of their son and the profound loss of a precious life.  As the author stated, it could have been made into a very teachable moment, one of compassion and empathy.  Instead it taught this lesson to the student instead - Your little brother is not worthy of being i...

Wednesday evening was the annual Labor of Love Memorial Service.  One of the most treasured evenings of my year, our infant loss support group gathers in a beautiful church for a time of traditional Christmas hymns, loved ones sharing their stories, and a special tradition where we all light candles and say our precious babies names - one by one.  It is the perfect way to start what should be a very joyous holiday, but one that can sometimes feel too heavy and sad for some.  It's a time to honor our babies' short lives and praise God for the time we did have. We go through a Litany of Loss, Remembrance, and of Hope.  In unison, we all speak the words, "We remember them."  It's always a memorable event.  But this year was the best yet. What I'm feeling the need to share about, and always remember for myself, are the two gentlemen who were brave enough to stand in front of a very full church and express their heartfelt stories.  The first was a yo...

If you've been following along, you know that as soon as we found out baby #5 was a girl, we already had her name chosen.  We announced the name Lily Marie about six weeks ago, but have since changed our minds. Let me start by saying, it's not easy to pick a Dingle baby name.  We decided years ago that we'd only want biblical names, followed by a family middle name.  So first came the boys, Joel and Gabriel.  And then our girls, Zoe and Ruby.  To answer what everyone asks - Yes they are both biblical, even if they aren't names specifically.  Zoe is the Greek word for "life," and is found all over the New Testament.  Ruby, a precious gemstone, is described in both Exodus and Proverbs. I'll also add that there are so many more biblical boy names than girls.  Which makes this more difficult.  So had baby #5 been a boy, we were set on Isaac Joseph.  Isaac meaning "laughter" which was so fitting considering how we found out we were expect...