Shining through the Sorrow

We had our official ultrasound today, at the official diagnostic imaging center.  It was official.  The purpose of this appointment was to date the pregnancy accurately because my dates weren't adding up.  And that's all I'll say about that because it can get TMI pretty quickly.  Not trying to lose any readers! So, bad news first.  Baby is measuring a week behind where I thought I was.  So, I'm only 11 weeks along, instead of 12.  Which makes me shudder to think that I had such a belly at NINE weeks, but we'll just call that bloat because it really isn't as big at this point.  TMI?  Sorry. So, now the great news.  Where do I begin??  First of all, my sister came to the appointment with me.  As soon as everything began, I looked up at her face and she was crying and I realized she had never come to an appointment with me, and had definitely not seen a baby via ultrasound or heard that precious sound - the heartbeat.  Se...

I'm twelve weeks today!  According to the internet, baby is the size of a lime now!  Morning (more like all-day) sickness is starting to subside and I did feel like I got my energy back yesterday, but then over did it and was on the couch all evening.  Looking forward to seeing baby again via ultrasound on Thursday, and I am trying to wait until I hear everything looks good (officially) before I start running again.  I actually had just found out I was prego when I ran Gabe's 5K, which is why I had to stop to pee about 1/3 of the way through the race!  Yeah, who does that??  Oh, prego people.  I continued running a few more weeks until all my symptoms got the best of me, and I've been convincing myself to take it easy ever since.  However, for the first time ever, I am done my first trimester UNDER my start weight.  We could blame it on the sickness, but the reality is that I was at my highest start weight (ahem).  So, yeah, tryin...

In case you haven't heard - we're having a baby!!  And if you're anything like the people we've already told, you are wondering the following: "Did you do this on purpose ?" (Um, personal question, but YES!) "How close in age will the next one be with Zoe?"  (Almost two years exactly, 23 months if baby's on time.) "Where are you gonna put it?" or the statement we've heard more than once, I kid you not:  "You'll have to buy another house, you need another bedroom!" Here's the deal, folks. There's this crazy concept called: Sharing a Room with your Sibling. Crazy, I know. But, apparently it's not a new concept at all, and apparently it teaches children more about sharing and love, and apparently my husband and I shared rooms with siblings when we were growing up!! Pardon my snarkiness, it only grows more wild when I'm pregnant. And the tiny filter I usually have only shrinks when I'm...

We are having another baby!!  And we couldn't be happier!! (Written at ten weeks:)  I have never been more sick.  It started around six weeks, improved for a day or two in week nine, and is still going strong.  I'm hoping I only have another two weeks to go and that it's going to magically disappear as I enter my second trimester. I've also had the normal symptoms that come along with growing a human: exhaustion during the day which results in an 8pm bedtime, a little bit of heartburn (but way less than I've had in the past, which makes me think I may actually produce one bald baby), extreme forgetfulness (like going downstairs to put the laundry in the dryer only to discover I added the clothes and the soap but never closed the lid, so the washing process hadn't even started yet!), and massive and specific cravings.  Our latest grocery store trip caused the following items to magically appear in the cart:  Maui BBQ Potato Chips, cans of Beefaroni, and ...

Gabe has been gone a long time now.  I've come so far in my grief, worked through my anger, forgiven those who don't understand...  Yet, there is still that struggle of figuring out when to remember his memory. As his Momma, he is on my mind and in my heart always.  And it's taken time, but I do understand now that it's just not that way with everyone who knew him.  So, when is it "appropriate" to say his name, tell his story, share his short life?  I'm not always sure. When I have another baby, I will consider it my forth.  But, I do not sign Gabriel's name to a birthday card for a loved one.  Because he is no longer with us, and that is a cold statement that I feel to my core.  When a stranger asks how many children I have, I always say three.  But, just like the strangers who only see the two children who are physically with me, so do people who knew about the nine months I carried Gabe and the bittersweet day I met him. ...

Zoe has had long hair since she entered this world.  It started out very dark, almost black, but has always been a little curly.  The top section grew much longer and faster than everything else and I actually trimmed it twice before she turned a year old.  The hairdos varied as her length grew... -A clip to keep it outta her face: -A clip holding her bangs in front of a ponytail on top of her head: -A ponytail including her bangs which was always a little too close causing her to look like a unicorn: -A reallllly long ponytail: -Two smaller pigtails: Lovely.  I knew she needed a haircut and that bangs would help tremendously, but didn't want to be stuck in the situation of having to have them trimmed every few weeks.  Finally, after talking to some wise Mommas, I decided to give her side-swept bangs instead of ones cut straight across. We made an appointment with the same lovely woman who cuts Joel's hair and I was anxious to have...

Yes, I know it's already the middle of November, but don't you wanna see cute pictures of my kids from Halloween?!  Yes, you do... Skeleton Outfits from Grandma! Zoe, our precious Kitty Would not stand STILL for the Costume Contest - which she WON! Joel dressed as someone from Yo Gabba Gabba.  Can you tell he doesn't even watch the show at our house??  But, hey, it's what he wanted and Grandma provided!!

Dear readers, I feel like I owe you a giant apology.  I haven't been on here lately to vent, to describe feelings, or even to document what's going on in my home.  I'm also apologizing to myself, because this blog is a great way to describe memories and keep them around forever.  So, here's a little update on us. We're busy!  Kyle has been busy teaching, getting grades in, and pulling a few 12 hour days to get in all his Parent/Teacher Conferences.  He's enjoying his grad class this semester, although it's one more thing on his busy agenda.  These kids are blessed with a Daddy who longs for nothing more but spending time with them.  Sometimes he asks me to get them out of bed before  he leaves in the morning for work, just so he can see their dear little faces before beginning his day. Joel is still loving Pre-School and often shares random statements like, "Momma, did you know that Momma has three M's in it??" or "Momma, did you know ...